Nonsense, horsefeathers, and idle musings from a decade in South Korea (2002-2012).


20 February, 2006

In Yo' Face

By Aaron
20 February, 2006






Elaine Rohse

Homer came home from downtown, entered by the back door, walked down the hall through the family room, put a gallon of milk in the refrigerator in the kitchen. And there on the floor was a trail of birch leaves. It took no skilled woodsman to track his every step. His path was perfectly marked with little birch leaves.

I had just vacuumed the rug. I was upset. I upbraided him for not cleaning his feet.

11 February, 2006

Editorial Privilege

By Aaron
11 February, 2006

In a continuing effort to remain relevant, the editorial board here at idiots' collective has been mulling over potential additions to the site. As usual, though, we (meaning, of course, I) can't even decide what to have for dinner, let alone how to satisfy you, the reader. So, as Tom Waits said, step right up and choose your poison. Here are a few of the calamities we're considering:

Who's In Jail?


Well, since you asked, Jerry here's in the clink for menacing. I know, you wouldn't think he had it in him, but there you are. He's forty years old, stands 5'9" tall, and weighs in at 160 pounds. He enjoys catfish noodling, Thomas Pynchon novels and discount dental work. He prefers open-minded women from Mombasa.

(This is a risky idea because Na Young says I'm not allowed to make fun of the following: prisoners, poor people, gay people, bipeds, tripods or marsupials.)

Idiots' Inventions

This week, we're proud to introduce the Sofa Toilet. It is, as you might predict, a sofa with a built-in toilet (or toilets, depending on the size you order). No longer will you have to race for the bathroom during a commercial break and risk missing the ending of CSI: Nesbit, Mississippi. No indeed. Now you can just lift the cushion of your sofa toilet and relax while you watch the square-jawed forensic expert track down the bastard who stole Bobbie Jo Amos' TV from her front yard.

Comes in single, deluxe (two toilets), and Chinese (six toilets) models.

Misquoted


"Maybe...I...have...fuzz [in places you don't know about]."

- Al Gore, in a speech at NYU on 7 April, 2003





"In Yo' Face"
By Elaine Rohse



"Oh, Homer," I said, as he started, "that's a funny way to roll up socks. Let me show you how I do it. It's really a better way."
I showed him how I rolled up socks.

* * *

There you have it, folks. Cast your votes in the 'comments' section below and accept your fate.