It's All About Me

A few weeks after getting married I was looking through our wedding pictures in search of photographs worth preserving in the wedding album and, as I flipped through the images on my computer, I did a double-take and went back to one that caught my eye. In it, an unidentified woman is helping a young boy, his pants around his ankles, urinate into a bottle held by a man in a dark suit. At least, I assume the boy is pissing into a bottle. The boy has his back turned to the camera, so I suppose it's equally possible that the man in the suit is catching the urine - as much of it as possible - in his hand. This man, however, is my father-in-law and this child - this...this little urinator - is a distant cousin of my wife, so I prefer to think that they were at least using a bottle. I mean, come on, I have to shake this man's hand every time we meet.

As you might imagine, the fact that someone was helping a child urinate in the midmost midst of our wedding reception did not sit well with me, and the fact that one of these someones is my father-in-law made it all the worse. This young child isn't innocent either, and I fully intend to be at his wedding - when I'll be in my fifties or sixties - if only to fill a few bottles of my own. We'll see how he likes it when people show up and start urinating in the middle of his wedding banquet.

Pictures like this one beg any number of questions - who the fuck does that little twerp think he is? - not the least of which are those of etiquette and consideration for others. I, for one, am not keen on eating next to someone who is emptying his bladder, however small and young that bladder may be. And I'd like to think that most Koreans share my sentiments, that urinating in the middle of a dining space bespeaks, universally, a disregard for others that would get you ostracized in any human society.

If only.

Every country and culture bears its own peculiar norms and mores, and while I hate to superimpose upon Korea my own notions of decorum, that's precisely what I'm going to do. I hesitate to say that Koreans, as a people, are any more or less rude than, say, your average Dane or Angolan, but I will say that rudeness is exceptionally prevalent on this peninsula. Or perhaps "rude" is the wrong word, as this behavior never seems to be intentionally offensive. The most offensive actions - the pushing, the spitting, the urine-bottling - smack more of oblivion, a complete lack of awareness of how one's actions will affect others, than they do of any intended offense.

Take, for instance, the two young women, probably in their early 20s, on the subway last night. Both girls were wearing sleeveless shirts, Girl A's being a plain baby blue number while Girl B's shirt read, appropriately, "It's All About Me." They stood chatting for a few minutes until Girl A pulled a small spray bottle out of her purse. Girl B then held up each arm in turn while Girl A sprayed something into her armpits. The smell of deodorant quickly filled the subway car, which was not entirely unpleasant given that the train was busy and that the hot, humid weather doesn't make for pleasant-smelling crowds. But still, who sprays deodorant on their friend's armpits, much less in a crowded subway? Roll-on maybe, but spray? What's next, trimming their toenails on the train? Oh wait, I've seen that, too.

I doubt that any of these people intended to offend those around them; they simply never considered that perhaps their actions might be just a tad uncouth. Maybe no one ever told them that urination, toenail clipping and the application of deodorant can all be done quite conveniently and privately in one place - the goddamn restroom.

You know, in writing this, I've gotten myself so worked up that I nearly wet my pants. Now, who's going to hold this bottle for me?

Related

The Feng Shui of Contentment